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Most good fun quotes have "offensive" language. So, slim picking:
Well, I'm almost done, so, maybe you want to come over and Netflix and chill and...
Mom: It's a paperless house, darling.
Dad: I got that. But how am I supposed to complete my business?
Gustav: Well, all Japanese toilets have a very effective and pleasant cleaning spray. And I will be very happy to walk you through the entire process.
Dad: Oh, god.
What I wanted was for us to spend Christmas in California together like I planned, before everything went to shxt because you made it all about yourself.
You both did.
Yes! You idiots think you can pass me back and forth like I'm your property or something? I'm done. This is the worst Christmas ever.
Dad: We've been members of the kiss army for, like, 30 years now. Yeah. Our first date was the crazy nights tour.
Mom: Yeah! And, boy, was that crazy. Crazy.
Kiss: Did you get laid?
Mom: Um... I gave him a xxyyzz.
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